My Writings

THE DO IT YOURSELF PROJECT

Glad you could stop on your way south. Warm day, isn’t it? Good weather for fishing.

You seem reticent. Why is that? Bathing suits are on the boat. Won’t need them though. Fishing gear, too. Need to exercise? Can swim all you want. Your truck? Leave it here at the restaurant. Pick it up later.

Good. Boat’s already in the water. Only a short drive from here.

*****

Don’t want to wear a life jacket? Suit yourself.

Untie the rope. We can get started. Yeah, lunch’s in the cooler. Beer, too. Should have a good day on the water. Fish are biting.

Yes, extra hats on board. Sunscreen, too. Ah, here we are. Drop the anchor? Thanks.

*****
Yes, this is a secluded spot, my favorite for fishing. Never failed to catch something when I’ve come here. Beer? Try this. It’s my special brand. Have it flown in from Germany.

You’re unfamiliar with this place? Not surprised. Didn’t realize you thought you knew where we were going. That’s good. You’re in for a special treat then.

Been traveling much lately? Besides here, I mean.

Oh, a woman in every port. No wonder you say you haven’t been home much this year. How many? That’s too many to count. How do you keep up? You play one off against the other, eh? You get them into an argument. Then you leave ‘em so you can fool around with another one.

One a week, you say. Busy man.

I see you’re squirming. All this talk about your women? Does that make you uncomfortable?

Ah, you want to know how I know. My ex-wife told me. When I talked to her several months ago.
Yes, I thought she was lying to hurt me. She didn’t get all she wanted from the divorce. Well, actually, you told me. How? You ask.

Remember the trip to the races we three took? You nod. I see you do remember. I recently called your old girlfriend. She didn’t think it was true, but I knew she would ask you. Later, I made a phony business trip to Tallahassee. When I called her, she agreed to have dinner with me.

What does that have to do with it, you ask?

You remember telling your girlfriend you were certain I’d be happy a real man was taking care of my wife’s needs when I couldn’t? Don’t blame her . . . I arranged for a little sodium pentathol to be dropped into her wine during dinner.

You look shocked. You know I have connections all over the world. Didn’t have my gun business in Vegas for years without making friends in mean places. Well, powerful places.

We had steak and drinks, you know at that restaurant with the private rooms. The one where politicians hook up.

No, she doesn’t remember a word.

Just so we’re clear on this. I have not one drop of gratitude for you screwing my wife. In fact, I consider adultery the most grievous betrayal.

No, don’t want to hear your excuses. What kind of friend are you? Don’t answer that. Should have known you have no honor by the way you treated your girlfriend.

You ask what I propose to do about it? See this gun? Save your breath.

There has to be a body before anyone can be charged with murder. If I get caught, I’m just a cuckolded old man with a heart condition. No jury of my peers will convict me. If they should, I’ll just appeal it until I die. Can‘t think of a better way to spend my money.

Look around. Didn’t notice I was chumming the water? Thought it was for fish, didn’t you? Glad you make assumptions.

Not the way you expected to be killed by a jealous husband, is it?

Those are some mighty big gators there. Oops. You’re surprised that I pushed you overboard? I may be older, but I’m bigger. Didn’t need the gun. The element of surprise.

Remember, I have powerful friends. I could have hired this done. This is my do-it- yourself project. I wanted to see your eyes when you took the first hit.

Perfect. That look of helpless terror in your eyes when that gator began its evisceration, gives me great satisfaction. You don’t mess with this old man’s woman. Ever.

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